The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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