I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
