He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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