WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
