I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
