I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
