She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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