I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
