Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
