Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
