two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
