the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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