sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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