Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
