Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize