I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize