Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize