The maid of honor just puked.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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