just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
