Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Never underestimate the power of titties
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
