i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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