Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
