I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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