Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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