Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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