covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
