You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
