having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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