i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
