you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
