im holly from the hills drunk
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
