everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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