you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
