I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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