Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
