Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
