I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
