it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
