Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
