you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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