A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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