even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
