We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
