im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
