Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
