hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
