just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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