dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
