Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
