I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just want nice things and good sex
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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