Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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