I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
