I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and she was petting her beer can
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
