I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
