I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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