You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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