Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
