Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize