So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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