the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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