you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
