we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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