so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
