We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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