I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
