What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
