How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
