I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Randomize
