WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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