by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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