So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
