3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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