didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
