he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I would ride that face into the sunset
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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